Teh Real Progessive Quiz

Following up on teh previous post, let’s create a real progressive quiz, won’t you?

On a scale of 1 to 5 (1 – Strongly Disagree, 5- Strongly Agree), indicate whether you agree or disagree with the following statements.

1. The state should take things from certain groups of people for the common good.

2. You are too dumb to make your own life decisions and need government bureaucrats to make them for you.

3. Sports are more fun when nobody loses and everything is a tie.

4. Glistening pecs are far more important than executive experience for a president.

5. Those popular kids who never invited you to their parties in high school deserve to be punished, especially the jocks.

6. Traditional marriage oppresses women and is a relic of patriarchal society, but gay marriage is really cool.

7. What people do in the bedroom is none of the state’s business, but the state should be intimately involved in your decisions about education, health care, income, what you eat, what vehicle you’re allowed to drive, your consumption of alcohol, where you live, who you associate with, your use of personal property, and whom you are required to hire, rent, or provide services to.

8. The only people who don’t think America Sucks are fat, old, white hicks.

9. Social spending should never be reduced because what government does is just too important.

10. If a politician holds the correct progressive views, his legal and ethical transgressions should never be questioned.

11. Having a degree from an elite school is more important than having actual accomplishments.

12. Public schools should promote the understanding of Islam, but Christianity should be ridiculed, if it is discussed at all.

13.  Minorities should not be held to the same standards as white folks because we all know they just can’t measure up and it’s our duty to help out the poor dears.

14. Learning about sexuality and self-esteem in public school is as important as learning math, reading, or science, probably moreso.

15. Childless bureaucrats know better than parents how to raise their children because they have a degree and are on the public payroll.

16. People who work hard and good life choices should be forced to take care of those who make bad life choices.

17. Passion and conviction matter more than facts and logic. So, when arguing with non-progressives, you have to use the f-word a lot.

18. No one should be allowed to fail. No one should really be allowed to succeed either.

19. Science should not be politicized and global warming skeptics should be silenced.

20. All cultural values are equal and should not be judged, except those of intolerant, retarded, gay-hating, racist white conservatives.

Scoring:

• 0 – 19 points: You are either smart enough to recognize satire, or too dumb to add up your score properly. It could go either way, really.
• 20 points: You want him to fail too, don’t you, you racist?
• 21-3o points: There’s hope. With extensive rehab, you may someday hold a real job.
• 31-59 points: One is shocked … shocked … that you put the bong down long enough to take the quiz.
• 60-89 points: You should dip into your trust fund and take that Che shirt to a coin laundry, because, man, it is totally starting to reak.
• 90-100 points: Your blog comments are either ALLCAPS or no caps, aren’t they?

Quiz designed with the help of know-it-all college hippies.