Post by Gregory of Yardale
In which I once again mine a 700 comment AoSHQ thread and pick out the good ones so you don’t have to. You’re welcome.
1. Glenn Beck killed Billy Mays. And stole his coke.
2. Glenn Beck was a testube baby formed with DNA scrapped from the scalp of Dick Chaney and Brian Dennehey which was used to fertilize an egg from Maggie Thatcher.
Who am I kidding, there was no test tube. All they did was stand in the same room together a couple minutes and the Iron Lady was pregnant.
3.Glenn Beck’s name is a killing word.
4. There were originally 4 Rice Krispy guys, Glenn Beck’s character ” And Die” was cut after not testing well in Battle Creek.
5. Glenn Beck routinely gets “all wee-wee’d up” before he tapes his show. On purpose.
6. Glenn Beck controls the Spice.
7. Glenn Beck only cries when he thinks of all the evil he has yet to do.
8. Glenn Beck broke into Al Capone’s safe and stole everything just to make Geraldo look bad.
9. All junk science involves the study of Glenn Beck’s junk.
10. Beck has eaten only one Lay’s Potato Chip. He found it trivial and moved on to Nestle’s Cookie Dough. When the Nestle’s Cookie Dough came up contaminated with E. coli, the bacilli refused to infect him, knowing it meant certain death… for them.
11. Fire doesn’t melt steel. Glenn Beck does.
12. The X-Files was actually a serial documentary on all the crazy sh-t Glenn Beck pulled in high school
13. Glenn Beck started the Chernobyl meltdown cause he couldn’t wait to get home to make S’mores.
14. Glenn Beck distracted Bill Buckner in Game 6.