Chairman Zero Imitates The UnderPants Gnomes

Post by Gregory of Yardale

The WSJ is stealing my shtick. But that’s okay, there’s plenty for everybody. In this case, the Underpants Gnomes Theory of Economics seems to be the guiding logic behind all of Chairman Zero’s policy decisions; foreign, domestic, and economic:

Sometimes it takes “South Park” to explain life’s deeper mysteries. Like the logic of the Obama administration’s policy proposals.

Consider the 1998 “Gnomes” episode — possibly surpassing Milton Friedman’s “Free to Choose” as the classic defense of capitalism — in which the children of South Park, Colo., get a lesson in how not to run an enterprise from mysterious little men who go about stealing undergarments from the unsuspecting and collecting them in a huge underground storehouse.

What’s the big idea? The gnomes explain:

“Phase One: Collect underpants.

“Phase Two: ?

“Phase Three: Profit.”

Lest you think there’s a step missing here, that’s the whole point. (“What about Phase Two?” asks one of the kids. “Well,” answers a gnome, “Phase Three is profits!”) This more or less sums up Mr. Obama’s speech last week on Guantanamo…

The president’s plan can briefly be described as follows. Phase One: Order Guantanamo closed. Phase Two: ? Phase Three: Close Gitmo!

The article goes on to say that this same system applies to the president’s approach to Middle East Diplomacy. 1. Talk to our enemies. 2. ??? 3. Peace.

The same approach is taken in making his case for nationalized health care. 1. Nationalize health care. 2. ??? 3. Affordable Health Care for Everyone. Somewhere in step 2 is hidden how to pay for it all, and how to ensure that the same government bureaucrats who run the DMV and the Post Office will give a damn about quality of care. Also in his edicts toward the auto industry. 1. Order all cars to get 40 MPG. 2. ??? 3. All cars get 40 MPG.

Nowhere is this brand of Ecognomics more pronounced than in his claim that his Crap and Trade scheme will lead to millions of jobs: 1. Impose Cap and Trade. 2. ??? 3. Millions of Green Jobs. Hidden in 2. is the part where millions of jobs go to China, Mexico, India, Brazil, and other countries that put the well-being of their people ahead of obeisance to the Cult of Manbearpig.

There are two ways to analyze Obama. One is, he really believes he is the Messiah, that he can order things to be as he would have them be, and they will magically be as he orders them. The more cynical view is that Obama really wants to bring the USA down to the level of other nations; with puny European cars, a sclerotic European economy, and a second rate European-style health care system. Obama is a socialist at heart, and the central tenet of socialism is that an equally shared misery is better than a general but unequal prosperity.

Perhaps whacking the Obama Economic Team with a stick would smack some sense into them.

Perhaps whacking the Obama Economic Team with a stick would smack some sense into them.

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