What Interrogation Techniques Are Still Allowed Under Chairman Zero?

Chairman Zero has adopted the Far Left definition of torture, which is anything that brings even momentary discomfort to a bloodthirsty terrorist.

So, suppose the military or the CIA capture an Al Qaeda kingpin who has knowledge of a forthcoming suicide bomb attack that will kill thousands of Americans. We know that Bam-Bam has ruled out waterboarding, face-grabbing, sleep deprivation, prolonged standing, “caterpillaring” and any other coercive means of interrogation. What else is left?

  • Saying “Please.”
  • Saying “Pretty Please.”
  • Saying “Pretty Please with Sugar on it.”
  • A promise of immunity from prosecution. (Yeah, that’ll work on a fanatical jihadist.)
  • Saying, “I’ll be your friend.” (But only if you really mean it.)
  • Offering to let him play with a puppy. (Oh, wait, dogs are haram.)
  • Making big sad Puss ‘n’ Boots from Shrek eyes.
  • Promising he won’t be sent to Gitmo… oh, wait, Gitmo’s closed.
  • Promising him comfortable prison accommodations… oh, wait, he has to get those anyway.
  • Offering him tickets to Seussical.

Frankly, I have no faith that any of these techniques will work.

Thousands will die, but smug liberals will still be proud of themselves for not putting a terrorist in a cell with a caterpillar or slapping him lightly around the face.

Isn’t liberal piety worth a few thousand corpses of innocent people?

BTW, anyone else think he released the Bush memos as a distraction from the bad economic news?

Es ist Verboten!

Es ist Verboten!


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