The Wit and Wisdom of Dear Teleprompter

From “Mother May I Sleep With Treacher.”

Last night, President Obama debuted his standup comedy act on the Tonight Show. You’ve heard his hilarious wisecracks about the Special Olympics and “waterheads,” and here are a few of his other witticisms:

  • “I stopped by Hollywood earlier. Or as I call it, Little Israel. I dropped a penny on the sidewalk and lost 3 Secret Service guys.”
  • “Any Irish folks in the audience? Don’t raise your hand, you might spill your drink. ‘When Oirish oys are smilin’…'” [staggers, pretends to vomit]
  • “Another great thing about LA is all the fags. [audience hisses] OK, OK, Faggot-Americans. Hey, I got no problem with it. After all, I did hire Rahm Emmanuel!”
  • “People ask what scares me most. Iran? The economy? Try: Waking up every morning next to She-Hulk! Oh, I’m gonna get it when I come home.”

P.S. I think we all remember where we were when we found out JFK had gone on the Tonight Show and mocked the developmentally disabled. As FDR said: “The only thing we have to fear is… one of those people trying to hug us.”

Mr. President, you are not allowed to make fun of the handicapped. Only Matt and Trey may do that.

Mr. President, you are not allowed to make fun of the handicapped. Only Matt and Trey may do that.

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